Relationships can be complicated. Some last for a few months, maybe years or an entire lifetime. All relationships serve as vehicles for our own growth. We’ve all experience both good and bad in relationships. No matter the outcome of the relationship, it has been put in your life for a reason and is never wasted if you choose to learn and grow.

But if you find yourself continually dating the same types of people, or having the same problems within your current relationship, you may need to take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself “is this relationship serving my needs?” “Am I evolving and growing to become a more loving person?” I am going to tell you this: your relationship is a direct reflection of your own self-love and feelings of self-worth.

 The relationships we manifest are a direct reflection of the way we treat ourselves.

 

 Scenario #1:

I have been in previous relationships, and spoken to hundreds of other women where they are really into a person they are dating but aren’t getting their needs met. When this happens, many people ask themselves how they can change to make the relationship better?

Let me be clear about this, changing yourself won’t make the relationship better. Of course all relationships take work and compromise, but the most important thing is that you are living as your authentic self. Not changing or compromising who you are and what you need in order to make someone else happy.

I know that it can be scary to be alone. But being alone is better than being in a toxic relationship. Plus, being alone means possibility. Possibility to enter into a relationship with someone who truly loves you exactly the way you are. When we learn to love ourselves and create higher-standards for who we date, we’ll manifest that perfect relationship.

Ask yourself this question: If my best friend who I love dearly was in this situation, what advice would I give her? Now treat yourself like you would a best friend. Be honest.

 

 Scenario #2:

You’ve been together with someone for awhile and find that qualities you originally thought were admirable about your partner now seem obnoxious. Qualities that we find to be annoying in others are usually qualities that we don’t like about ourselves.

For example, you get extremely irritated with your partner because what used to seem like “spontaneity” now just feels like flakiness. Ask yourself, are there areas in my life where I can be flaky? Is this a quality I actually wish to improve in myself?

Relationships are here to help us grow. Next time you find yourself getting irritated, look inside and see how it may be an opportunity for you to improve.

No matter what you’re going through in your relationship, celebrate it! There is always possibility and opportunity to learn to love ourselves and others even more.

 

 

Crazy. Wild. Love.

Author Bio: Alexis Meads is a Lifestyle & Wellness Coach in Boston, MA. Her mission is to support and inspire women to live the most beautiful, fun, romantic lives they can dream of. As a bonus to our readers, Alexis is giving away a free copy of her eBook. You can get your copy HERE

“Life is like an ever-shifting kaleidoscope – a slight change, and all patterns alter.”

― Sharon Salzberg

Cultivating a healthy ego is really about waking up.

It may seem daunting at first because the ego knows and curiously wants only what is familiar, even if it doesn’t serve you that well. Let’s review what we’ve covered so far in each part of this four-part series.

In part one and two we talked about how the ego can develop defense mechanisms, those fears and doubts that keep us feeling small and stilted. We talked about what may be going on with people who seem to have “big egos.” Ego says, “I am something, I am somebody, I am very great” OR
” I am not so great, I am not so evolved, I am a fool”.

In part three we talked about how it may seem that no matter how hard we try, we can’t seem to let go of our ego. We think to ourselves, “I still feel miserable…. I need things to change on the outside, not the inside,” and it just seems impossible. There’s that word – impossible. That’s the ego.

It’s got to work from the inside out.

Sure in an ideal world, maybe if we had it easier on the outside, we’d feel more supported and willing to change on the inside. Or maybe not. Really it’s about how by allowing ourselves to transform on the inside, our world will indeed change on the outside as well.

But many people think it’s the opposite.

“The mind thinks thoughts that we don’t plan. It’s not as if we say, ‘At 9:10 I’m going to be filled with self-hatred.”  ~ Sharon Salzberg

 

You see our thinking will not change without willingness and awareness. No matter how much money, sun, or outside support and compassion we have, we need to become willing to open up and look at how our thinking is affecting our own lives and behaviors, otherwise the money, compassion and kindness just trickles away like a sieve.

So how do we do this? Practice, practice, practice.

It’s difficult to be self-honest without judgment or feelings of shame and regret. But judgment, shame and regret isn’t self-honesty. It’s just the ego expressing what it knows and what it has experienced throughout the years.

“When you become aware of silence, immediately there is that state of inner still alertness. You are present. You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective human conditioning.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

All too often, we may feel a sense of release, an opening into being more fully alive and present with your self and with others, and then it disappears. Yet again we feel ensnared by that old craving, a feeling of stuckness or stagnation, overwhelmed by finances or loneliness.

What’s happening is our ego is basically identifying with the conditional aspects of our lives. For thousands of years, the wisdom of those who meditate have proven that their mantra – know thyself – is where true transformation happens.

Remember, you are not that patterned behavior which has developed from the ego trying to protect itself. We become bound when our ego becomes disconnected from our true unbounded nature.

Meditation is about practicing a new way of being. A little bit each day – 20 minutes of sitting and finding that place where we can listen. Just sitting and breathing, eyes closed for 20 minutes a day. Nothing more nothing less. Finding a community of others who meditate will greatly help you continue this process without the ego telling you it’s not making a difference.

With consistent meditation, the conscious mind becomes more expansive.  Here the ego is at its healthiest. It doesn’t desire or languish or regret. It doesn’t trip out on or bash the self or others. It resides.

“Its never too late to take a moment to look.” ~Sharon Salzberg

If you’ve found these articles helpful, be sure to head over to our Facebook Page and join our community there.  It’s always easier to change when you are surrounded by a group of supportive and helpful people.

Oh, and be sure to leave a comment below!

In Part two of “Understanding The Ego” series, we talked about the definition of a “big ego” and how simply becoming aware of  our egos can help us let go and live more freely.

But it’s not always that easy, is it?

“the trick is to remove ego as dictator, and turn it into messenger and servant and scout, to be in your service” ~ Joseph Campbell

Ego is a part of who we are. It is our conscious mind. Letting go of the grip on our own experience, judgments, fears, doubts and regrets doesn’t mean letting go of our ego altogether.  That would mean letting go of our conscious awareness of who we are altogether!

The mind is never blank.  If it were, how would you know?
~ Ed Foreman.

Letting go of our judgments, fears, doubts and regrets doesn’t happen overnight. It is a daily, sometimes hourly conscious action, a resolve, a decision to not buy into those thoughts that tell us we are less than or better than.

Here’s where daily meditation comes in. There are so many ways to meditate. The way I find most helpful is to just sit with it. That’s right. Sit down, and shut up.

“Don’t just do something. Sit there.” ~Ancient Chinese proverb

Meditation has been practiced for almost as long as humans have been on the planet. Meditation is used often for stress reduction, relaxation and mindfulness. But the problem with this outlook is that meditation often can initially produce the opposite results. Why? Because meditation is not easy. It shows us just what we are so diligently trying to push away.

And that’s why it is so useful – because avoidance and denial is what causes the suffering in the first place. This avoidance can harden our hearts and create small, judgmental thinking patterns that can eventually be harmful to others as well.

Start Small

Many people find it difficult to just sit quietly for 15 minutes. The ego mind starts thinking right away – there’s too much to do, there’s not enough time, this is stupid, etc.

When we sit and get quiet often enough, we start hearing our ego more clearly. Sitting for even just 5 minutes a day can open us up to more awareness of the ego –  and of how little control we really have of our “monkey minds.”

Diving in can often feel uncomfortable at first.

So why meditate?

In a nutshell, meditation allows us to relax and see how our thinking can get in our own way. From there, a natural falling away of this “noisy thinking” occurs, an opening, an experience of space and calmness and a release of the constrictions of the mind.

Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom. – Buddha

Stay tuned for the final part of this series where we discuss how to really get a handle on that “monkey mind” and kick things into high gear.

Part 4: How Meditation Really Works

In the last article, we talked about how the ego can get in the way by negating your potential and telling you that you can’t leggo of my ego!experience the life you truly want.

 

So what does this have to do with big egos?

You know the type. People who seem almost narcissistic, or know-it-alls.

It’s common to equate egotistical people with those who feel it’s their way or the highway.

Some traits of people who seem to have “big egos” can include:

  • Someone who needs constant praise or constantly brags
  • Someone who is demanding, constantly talking your ear off about what they know, or who doesn’t listen or share in conversation
  • Someone who is passive-aggressive, who talks behind your back, whose tone of voice is condescending, who looks you up and down, who tries to undermine you instead of assist you
  • Someone who compares themselves to others, and feels a tremendous boost when they see they have better clothes, more money, better car than their neighbor or “friend”

But is this really the ego?

“Part of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty.” ~ John Lennon

All of these traits point to an aspect of our personality that our ego is working hard to avoid feeling pain: or low self-esteem.

As stated in Part One, a healthy ego works with our subconscious to engage and participate in the world in a way that allows us to experience life to its fullest.  You might want to write that one down and read it daily! 

But what often happens is that the ego can get caught up hiding parts of the self that have been injured or hurt in some way, which then becomes a defense mechanism.

So a person who seems to have a big ego can actually be covering up negative thoughts that the – well – the ego is telling them. See, the ego is an aspect of the conscious mind.

It is what we know, or have experienced in our past.

The big ego has a split personality.

ego_woman_split_Peronsality

The ego can inflate a person who is feeling low self-esteem, and the ego can deflate if a person is actually looking beyond the familiar and conditional.

So here’s a concept that may help you overcome the negative ego: Try taking on the attitude of non-judgment. The big ego is about judging self and others. 

How do you take on an attitude of non-judgement? By diving into it. 

TRY IT OUT!

Grab a pen and paper and write down what your ego is telling you. (You know.. that subtle but persistent voice that is always giving its .02 cents wether you ask for it or not.)

You might find that it’s all about comparisons, regrets, worrying what others think of you, feeling glad you’re not in his shoes, feeling a strong urge to gossip.

When you’re aware of your judgments, aka fears and doubts, you can see them for what they are and then let them go, and once you begin to let go of these,  and lose your attachment to the voices of doubt, fear, guilt, shame and all the rest, your life will very quickly begin to expand with new potential and opportunities.

But… this is often easier said than done.  Now that you are AWARE that those voices are not you,  next comes the daily practice of dancing gracefully with the Ego in our daily lives. You see, the ego is as much part of you as your arm or kidney.  It’s there because it serves a purpose, a valuable one.

Check out part three:

But Wait. I’ve Tried to Let Go Of My Ego. It’s Not Working.

Part one of a four-part series on Understanding and working with the Ego.

 

 Is your ego holding you back from everything you’ve ever wanted? 

“The ego is not master in its own house.” ~ Sigmund Freud

So what is “ego” anyway? The famous psychoanalyst, Sigmund Freud, first defined the ego. He said the ego is your conscious sense of self that is based on experience and social acceptance.”

The ego is a natural part of our humanity and mind that is basically like a computer program based on our past experiences.

Isn’t it strange that we can say, “part of me” wants this, but another part of me wants that.”

We all “dance” or grapple with the ego while participating in our daily lives. Many psychologists call this type of grappling, defense mechanisms.

That said, what your ego (that small sometimes nagging internal voice) tells you isn’t necessarily the truth – in fact, most of the time, what is true is just the opposite.

When you establish a healthy relationship with your ego,  it works with the whole self to connect, communicate, trust, and become aware of those friendly facts that can inform and guide us through our lives.

Did you know that you are not your ego? 

Becoming aware of what your ego is telling you is the first step to realizing your deeper potential in all aspects in life, including livelihood, love, relationships and friendships.

Here is a short exercise to become more aware of – and release – the ego’s limiting beliefs, or defense mechanisms, and to get to know the real you, the whole you.

Sit by yourself, close your eyes, and soften the skin on your forehead, soften the eyelids and temples, release your jaw and inner ear, and feel little ripples of release across the sides, top and back of your head. Release tension in the back of your neck and shoulders. Take some deep, soft breaths.

Then listen and breathe. You may hear something like:

I can’t find another job – I’ll just be in the same predicament. I’m just wasting my time with this creative project. She/he is way better than me. Why try? Too many bills. Not enough time. I’ll never…. I’ll always….

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

Try this exercise a few times a day. Listen to the ego voice. If it is saying “I’m always…” or “I’ll never…” or comparing you to another in any way, odds are it’s the ego in a fear pattern. But it’s no reason to worry!  At it’s deepest level it is only trying to protect you and keep you “safe.”

As you practice this exercise, you will feel the tension release from your body and the ego voice will also release its constriction as mind and body more directly connect. You’ll walk through your day feeling more open and aware of what is truly possible.

“Self and ego are not the same. The ego is the center of conscious mind only; it encompasses your awareness of yourself and your world.” ~ Joseph Campbell

In part two we talk about the all too familiar over-inflated or “big ego”. Chances are you know someone like that…. right?

Stay tuned for part 2:  The Big Bad Ego!

 

Hello my friend!

It’s Matt Ritchey here and today, and I want to talk to you about the equation that is your life.

Specifically money as part of that equation. So, we have things we value in life, we have things that we focus on, we have things that are just by-products of the things that we focus on.  I used think of how to over come money problems as a focal point – something that I had to had, something that I had to earn, something that, you know, made my life complete. And going forward I thought of money as more of a by-product.

When I focused on serving other people, focus on being my best self and I focused on others, money just sort of came as a buy product. And this transformation of how I viewed money has completely transformed my relationship with money.

I used to worry about money, I used to think of scarcity mindset when it came to money. And now, when I think of money it’s much more light feeling, it’s much more a happy feeling, because I know that serving other people and doing things that I value, things that people value from me, that are my strengths, my skills, that money is only a buy product of that.  I don’t have to worry about making money – money just comes to me. So, this equation of your life when you think about it as a holistic pie, money is definitely a part of that pie.

But it’s all on how you transform your thoughts on money and you treat it more as a by-product than as something to go after, something to focus on. So, you look past money and focus on other things: serving clients, being your best self, showing up as a great example in the world. And when you do this, money just sort of attracts into your life and not only you have money, you have fulfilling relationships and all the other great things that go with it. I found that when I focused strictly on money, my relationships suffered, my personal health suffered and my fulfillment was down. So, in transforming the way I looked at money I’ve been able to transform my entire life and really build a holistic life that is more fulfilling for me.

So, for yourself focus on what it is that you do best, focus on providing value, on being your best self and see if  there is an avenue where you can make some money in that – maybe it is on the side, maybe it is a whole career. Whatever it is, give it a shot, because money doesn’t have to be scary, you don’t have to worry about money constantly.

It can be a buy product of who we are and how we serve others. So, I’d love to hear your comments down below and I look forward to see you guys next time.

how to beat your competitors in business

What Could You Accomplish if Competition Didn’t Exist?

We see it asked a lot:  How to beat your competitors in business?

In a world where just about everyone in business has a presence online, the sea of professionals, experts and practitioners can be overwhelming.

Being in Business Means Being in Competition – Right?

We think business and we immediately think “competition.” It’s a natural instinct. If we’re providing someone with a product or service, there are going to be others out there doing the same, and it’s natural to feel we need to be ‘better’ than them in order for our business to thrive.

Truth is – Competition has become stale.

 

Competition — Me vs You — is Outdated

Oil tycoon, J.D. Rockefeller once said, “Competition is a sin.” While we’re not completely in alignment with his idea of driving out competition to create monopolies, he did have a point.

Competition was the driving force of innovation in the 20th century, pushing companies to cultivate new ideas and push their business forward by trying to be better than the others in their industry.

Warning: Side Effects Include Loneliness

As we’ve moved into the 21st century, something deep within our culture has begun to shift. A great deal of loneliness comes with being in pure competition with others. Relationships are difficult to build without trust, and always keeping an eye on your back while trying to keep your enemies close is exhausting and non-fulfilling.

As the internet progressed, businesses went online and marketing began to shift. We saw a new way of business emerging – the transition point between the old paradigm of competition and the new economy.

Next Comes Cooperation — You help me out, I’ll help you out

As we’ve begun to see ourselves as more than just ‘consumers,’ exploring new ways of addressing our lifestyles in business, relationships, travel and spirituality, we’ve realized we can’t experience our dream lives alone.

In order to enjoy our work, our families, our health and create experiences that make us feel alive, we have to work with others and be open that there is more than one way.

 

How to beat your competition with the love hammer

Transitioning from Me to We

Suddenly, we realized that by helping someone else in their life or business, we too receive, and a new possibility of growth emerged. We no longer have to live in fear of our ‘competition,’ but can open up to trusting that by giving we will also receive in return.

We see this a lot in the internet marketing realm, where marketers often promote their colleagues to each other’s lists, knowing that by exchanging lists, they both have something to gain.

Cooperation can be very rewarding and most of all, is the window to something much bigger and better – an experience so fulfilling that it gives back more than the sum of its parts.

In the Blue Economy, We Collaborate

There’s a saying that 1 + 1 = 3. The idea is that when two or more people or organizations come together, their resulting creation is greater than the sum of its parts – birthing a new energy with a momentum of its own.

This phenomenon — called synergy — is the fuel of the new economy, or as we like to call it, the Blue Economy.

The Blue Economy symbolizes a new way of experiencing our daily lives. Instead of feeling threatened by others’ lives/business/contributions, we create fulfilling experiences with them to produce even more in both our own lives, and the lives we touch.

Two is better than one

Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra are a great example of this new paradigm. Their meditation challenges bring hundreds of thousands of people together to raise their own individual consciousness, while lifting that of the world’s.

Imagine if one of them had been selfish and decided they wanted to do the challenge alone (competition paradigm). There’s no way they could have reached the number of people they have touched by working together. Their contribution together has created a synergy with a life of its own, continuing to grow and expand, creating love and abundance in the world.

We’ve got that full-feeling

This new way of thinking causes a great deal of expansion in our own individual lives, thus creating an expansion in the economy, community and society around us. We feel better about ourselves, our relationships, our lives, and we feel connected — to ourselves and one another. All of the sudden we’re full-feeling.

Here at The Blue Spoke, we believe in collaboration. Not only is it full-feeling, but it’s recession proof!

 

how to beat your competition with love

 

Side effects include Abundance

When you’re expanding and growing in your contributions, business, and personal relationships, you experience more abundance. It’s a natural by-product. You begin to see that the universe is infinite. There are more than enough resources. Everything we need is right in front of us. We just have to remove what’s blocking us from seeing them, and prepare ourselves with the tools needed to make the journey.

If you feel ready to explore your own journey of expansion and abundance and open yourself up to the possibility of creating more in your life, we are here to support you. Click here to receive your complimentary gift.

If you’re ready to wake up in the morning filled with a sense of purpose, experience meaning in your life and know you are making a contribution to the world, you’re in the right place. We welcome you into the Blue Economy. You’re going to love it here. Be sure and like our Facebook page too!

 

In today’s video I want to talk to you about synergy.  So synergy comes from the Greek word, meaning “to come together”.  When two things come together and their mass is bigger than their single parts.

So, one plus one equals three.

Synergy can happen in nature, it happens with people, it happens with people and places. Synergy is everywhere in our world.

So, think about a time, when you worked on a project with somebody and nothing went right, couldn’t get along, couldn’t agree on anything and the product was probably pretty poor.

There’s probably been another time when you worked with somebody on a project where everything clicked. You had the same ideas, and everything went very well – this is synergy. We want to create as much synergy in our lives as we can, so whether it be the people we spend our days with, or the places in which we live.

So, where in your life can you find synergy?

I personally moved to San Diego, because I felt a bond here, it’s been a great synergistic match. You’re having personal relationships, you’re having business relationships, anywhere where there’s people involved – synergy can come into play.

So, next time when you are interviewing a potential employee, or you are just going to work with somebody make sure to see if there’s a synergy there.

See if that person brings out more than you bring to the table yourself. And if you do this will take your creativity, your productivity, everything in your business and your life to the next level.  See how it works with you, leave me some comments in the below and I look forward to see you guys next time.

 

It’s so great to be alive – it is sunny and beautiful here in San Diego. In today’s video I want to talk to you about something that used to scare the crap out of me. That at one point in time I couldn’t even really fully do. And that’s a word some people wouldn’t like to hear, it’s called commitment. For my entire life I avoided commitments, to where I only committed 99% of myself to the thing that I really didn’t want to do.

But recently, in the last year or so, I found that this wasn’t serving me, or I always come up a little bit short of my goal, really where I wanted to be.

So, I decided to embrace 100% commitment. I know I always used to think I was committed, I really thought I would be 99% committed, but in the back of my mind I had this little voice saying: “If it doesn’t work out it’s OK. You will find something else. Don’t worry about it.”

Now, I silence that voice and say I am a hundred percent committed and no matter what this is going to be the outcome because I will not stop until that is done. And this can look in so many different forms. Let’s say you want to wake up and go running in the morning – you wake up and there is this little voice inside your head and it is like “Man, go back to sleep it’s nice and cosy in here, you worked out yesterday, you deserve a day off.” But 100% commitment says: “Screw that, I am committed to be my best self every day and that means showing up and fulfilling the commitments that I have promised myself.”

So, when you can show up every single day, and make good on these commitments and maybe even exceed them – that’s when you now you are in 100% commitment, that’s when you know you are going to achieve all the goals and dreams you really, really want deep inside your heart.

So, today I ask you to be 100% committed to whatever it is that you want to try. And know what we talked in the last video – baby steps and taking daily consistent action. Be a 100% committed to daily consistent action. If you do, I promise you, you will see results unlike you’ve ever had before. So in the comments below, let me know how it is working out for you, let me know what you are 100% committed to and I can’t wait to hear from you. Have a great day! Cheers!


.

It’s Matt Ritchey here and in today’s video I just wanted to talk to you about:

The Power of Relaxation.

So, whatever it is that you do to get away from work, to get away from the hustle and bustle stress of your everyday life – make sure you engage in that at least once a day and I recommend once a week taking a full afternoon or a full evening in just completely disengaging and doing something that you consider fun and stress-free.

So, it looks so different for so many people – some people love to paint, some people love to sing, some people love to dance, some people just like to go for a walk, go hiking, nature, or meditation.

Whatever you are going to do, make sure you incorporate it into your schedule and that way you are not missing it at the end of the day, the week and you’re just like “man I feel so stressed”.  So, that’s why I take daily breaks and today I decided to come out here to beautiful Mission Bay or Mission Trails, here in San Diego and get some fresh air,  and rejuvenate today.

So, this creative spurt that I’ve been on has been amazing and I really want to keep that going so in order to do that I really want to be sure and give myself the time to refresh myself, get some nature and really relax.

So, I’d love to hear what it is that you do for relaxation and to relax yourself.

Maybe I could get some new ideas, because I’m always looking to do something new or improve my current regimen. So, leave me some comments in the comments below and I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

Have a great day!